Well, Boys and Girls, as you can see, Mr. Garry is back. It is called ‘parole’.

There will be some changes. Remember Mr. Judge? He has told Mr. Garry not to have people demonstrate handgun safety on this show anymore. Instead we are going to do fun stuff like go to The Art Museum.

This is it. You can tell by all of the sculptures and paintings. Well, you can also tell because that is what the sign says on the building.

Actually, from the looks of some of this stuff, if the sign did not tell you, you might not know. This sculpture right here looks like an alien somebody shot a cannonball through. The sculptor called it ‘Dancing Nude.’ So maybe it is an alien nude dancer that somebody shot a cannonball through. Mr. Garry would probably shoot something at an alien nude dancer if he saw one, only Mr. Judge would not let him.

Years ago, Mr. Garry saw statues like ‘The Thinker.’ It looked like a man who was thinking. He did not look like he was thinking: ‘who shot a cannonball through my gut?’ That was a statue by some Greek guy, or maybe he was Italian. The only thing was, lots of the Greek statues were nudes and they looked it. So maybe ‘The Thinker’ was thinking: ‘where did I leave my clothes?’

There was another statue called ‘Venus de Milo’. Do not confuse her with the woman who played Lily Munster. She was Yvonne DeCarlo. You can tell them apart because ‘Venus DeMilo’ did not have a head or arms. Lily Munster did. Lily Munster moved around. Venus DeMilo did not.

Maybe ‘The Thinker’ was in the same place with ‘Venus De Milo’ and he was thinking: ‘wonder what happened to her head and arms?’ One thing Mr. Garry does remember is that ‘The Thinker’ was never on ‘The Munsters’.

Mr. Garry seems to remember that the guy who made ‘The Thinker’ was named Rodan. There was a Japanese movie by a similar name but it was not about an artist. It was about a monster and everyone knows monsters don’t make statues; they crush them. Rodan the monster was never on ‘The Munsters’ either.

That is an idea, Boys and Girls. Maybe we should go to the Japanese Monster Movie Mania festival because Mr. Garry sure doesn’t see much art here. This section here is called “The Avant Garde’ section and what it is is stuff most people would call crap. People who look at it are supposed to get a message from it or something like that. The message Mr. Ornery gets is: ‘this guy can’t even make a sculpture that looks like an alien somebody shot a cannonball through.’

Mr. Garry heard about one of these exhibits in London. It had ashtrays full of cigarette butts. There were beer cans and pop cans,or bottles, and coffee cups. A janitor saw it and threw it all away. He sounds like a smart man because if that stuff is art, Mr. Garry could hold museum tours after one of his poker nights with the guys. If Mr. Garry had tried to tell Mrs. Ornery it was art, the mess we made, she would have said, ‘it’s a load of garbage.’

Maybe that was what happened to ‘The Thinker’s’ clothes. Maybe he lost them in a poker game. Maybe he was thinking: ‘I shouldn’t have tried to fill that inside straight.’

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