Although the romantic newness of your relationship may have faded, there are certainly interesting ways to put a similar spark back into you and your partner’s lives.

Remember the first time you met the man or woman in your life? How the sparks flew! The very thought of him or her made your heart soar. Those intimate candlelight dinners, exhilarating walks on the beach, cheering for your favorite team at sports events, those intimate nights of intense, passionate love making. No matter what you did, you enjoyed even more, simply because you were in love and together. What happened? Sure, we are still together, but where is the intimacy, where is the passion we once shared in our relationship?

The answers to these questions are summed up into one word, “routine.” Your lives have taken on such routine that you have allowed the passion and intimacy in your relationship to fade. Sure you still have sex together, but you no longer make love. There is very little fore play or none at all. What happened to those passionate kisses on the neck, body massages, those things that you shared that almost put you at your peak?

Don’t get me wrong, there are still couples that know how to keep love alive, but in my experience as a relationship counselor, there are still many that don’t know how. In essence, this is a self-help guide for those who may need help keeping love alive, no matter how long you have been together.

Any couple who has been together 2 or more years, has experienced problems in their relationship. They have disagreements about basically the same things: Bills, money, jealousy, the children, nosey intrusive relatives and the list goes on. Even though some of these problems exist or have existed in all relationships, there are still couples that have endured the ups and downs and stayed together. How? These couples have learned to accept the imperfections in each other and built their relationships on their strengths.

For example, maybe he or she is not in the greatest physical shape, they were in when you first met them, but they are still the same person with whom you fell in love. Instead of any kind of hurtful criticism, about this physical change you no longer find attractive, you can find a remedy together, if it is something that can be changed. The bottom line is this: it must be done with love, not criticism. This goes for any issue in your relationship. You must learn to accept the things you cannot change, use your strengths in the relationship to change the things you can, and of course have the wisdom to know the difference.

The thing about it, if you find that you are in this type of situation, is that there is hope. But, only through team effort and dedication on the part of both you and your mate. It doesn’t really matter who takes the first step toward repairing your relationship, as long as one of you takes it. Believe me, if you both want to be happier, the other will follow your lead. Being selfish, egotistical, highly emotional or stubborn will only put you back on the treadmill of disappointment. Never try to solve any problems when you are already angry, it just doesn’t work. Talk a walk alone, have a good cardiovascular exercise session, a hot bath with aromatherapy, have some valerian root herbal tea, go to the lakeside where it is serene. Whichever you decide to do, you will need time alone to think. Once you have a restored feeling of calm within yourself, you can make plans to talk, not debate. It may take your mate a little longer to come around, respect his or her wishes! You must both have a feeling of calm, before anything can be accomplished for the good of the relationship.

When you both have gotten your bearings together, you are then ready to work through your problems as a team, not as opponents on opposite sides. You both must learn to communicate and compromise, before you can eliminate these problems and get your relationship back in good shape. Take time to listen to each other and do not be so wrapped up in your wants and needs. Remember, you both have them. If this is what you wanted, wouldn’t you say you should have stayed by yourself?

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